Last year I had a job interview for the first time in many years and was struck by this realisation: I don’t believe in myself anymore. In my darker times I think of myself as a loser! The one who never made anything of herself.
I don’t know how this happened. But I do know it goes hand in hand with being a “housewife” (for want of better word). I shouldn’t feel like this. I have a loving and encouraging husband. My children love me and depend on me.
It is so important to me that as my children grow and develop they have the belief that they can reach great heights and nothing within reason is out of reach. Am I conveying that to them when my own self worth has dwindled to next to nothing?
When I was performing I sang to rooms of people on a regular basis. I wasn’t phased. I knew I was good. People liked to hear me sing. It was a great feeling.
Now I find that I’m constantly trying but getting nowhere – I guess that I feel I no longer have anything to offer. I’m naturally a creative person and find it difficult that I’m unable to make a living from that creativity – I have that silly feeling that money = success.
I’m not sure why I’m writing this. Letting off steam helps a little. And I would love to hear from anyone who finds themselves in the same situation or has been through it. I hope it doesn’t sound like a “will someone please feel sorry for me?” post – that isn’t my intention.
Thanks for listening 🙂