Kelly

The grass is always greener, ain’t it so?

How much time do you spend thinking about the life you’d like to have? How much does this detract from your everyday life?

For me, it’s a real problem. I wish I was younger, prettier, thinner. I wish I had a house in the country with an animal menagerie and space for the children to run. I wish people were interested in my designs and I could make a living from this. I wish I could spend more time doing what I want to do….. I could fill the page with this stuff.

But what are all these thoughts, wishes, dreams going to do for me long term? If they motivate and inspire me to live better, then good. But, if they become a weight that I carry around in the form of restlessness and dissatisfaction? – not good.

From a very young age I wanted to be a singer and entertainer. With a little work I was able to make this happen, albeit on a smallish scale. People would be wowed by the fact that I was out there doing this, but let me tell you the reality. Lugging heavy sound equipment around prior to setting up, performing “popular” songs that I personally hated (Kylie, you did me a great disservice!), breathing in the second hand cigarette smoke of a collective room (before the new smoking laws came in), dealing with drunken hecklers, then hauling all that equipment away again before hobbling (high heels – ouch!!) into bed at 3am, only to get up a few hours later to care for my family. Sound glamourous?

I know what I need to do to feel happier, it’s just that saying it is easier than doing it.

A couple of quotes I like:

“Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.”
Mother Theresa

“Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things, but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.”
Angelique Arnauld

I must be off, the baby is crying again, which is a regular and ordinary occurence.

But isn’t she extraordinarily beautiful? 🙂

God bless you all.

I took a few pictures at the farm to share with you. This house was built by my father-in-law’s parents in 1915. He has lived and worked there his entire life.

I was speaking to my mother-in-law about the fact that I never appreciated the land as I do now (having also lived in this area from the age of 12 – 18). She said that when she married and came to live here as a young woman, having lived in Ballarat all her life she missed her original home. One day a visitor pointed out the colours of the various crops (wheat, canola and others) and how vibrant they were. She says now, at the age of 78 that she thinks it’s the “most beautiful place on earth”.

They had 10 children. I was lucky enough to marry one of them.

I have spent so much time on the farm it is like a second home. It has been a refuge in times of turmoil and I’m eternally grateful to my “other parents” for their kindness to me as an unhappy teenager seeking purpose to my life.

The garden still survives the long and unpredictable drought.

The chooks are always happy, healthy and producing new life and food to nourish.

Times have changed and things are different at the farm now, but I will always hold it dearly in my heart.

I usually take the children to the library on a Friday morning. This morning I had the misfortune of coming across a sourpuss. I was browsing some magazines while holding the baby and watching the 2 girls, boy was elsewhere in the library. The baby was silent, as was the 2 year old. My 4 year old, who is a “handful” at the best of times was rearranging some chairs and playing a chattery game in her usual fashion.
A woman sitting nearby turned to a man also sitting nearby and said something to the effect of “People are so inconsiderate, I can’t believe they’re so rude!”
I looked at her in surprise, she was looking down and shaking her head. I realised she was referring to me. I looked at the man and shrugged and smiled, the smile was not returned.
For the rest of the time we were in that section of the library (about 5 minutes total!) she continued to shake her head and mutter.
I considered my options and chose to extend my browsing and ignore her just to force her to put up with us and show that I didn’t intend to be bullied. Before we left I made my daughter correct all the chairs she had moved out of place, this seemed to annoy the lady even more!

Apart from making me angry, this kind of encounter is very hurtful to me.
It’s not just her.
It’s the driver who races up close behind my van in an aggressive manner simply because a van full of children does not accelerate as quickly as their sporty little number. (Yes, this happened on the way home)
It’s the shop owner who looks me up and down disgustedly when I enter with children in tow.
It’s all the people who give me no support (including family) because they think I have too many children and don’t approve of my homeschooling them.

I work hard. I’m exhausted most of the time. I get depressed and feel isolated. None of this is easy for me. My husband and I can only rely on each other for help. It means so much when someone compliments me on my family, even a smile of approval on the street lifts my spirits.

OK, there’s my rant, thanks for reading.